November 24 2011. 11:42pm.

Oh hey piczo.
So how are you today? Or tonight? I'm not sure when you guys are going to read this so yeah. I haven't posted in a really long time, I'm not sure why. Well, I don't really want to post about myself today, or anything about me. Right now, what I want to talk about is this really unique and special person to me. Her name is Emma.
I don't exactly know why I haven't talked about her much in details yet, but I feel like right now is the right time to do so. I just want to say that if anything I write is weird and it doesn't make sense, well I'm pretty fucking tired so please forgive my impropper english. So.
Yesterday after school to today afternoon, Emma slept over at my house for the first time since August. Since the begining of the year, we kind of grew apart. I'm not so sure why, I'm not sure when it started. All I know is that we weren't very close. Yes we were obviously friends, but it wasn't the same. After this weekend I believe it still isn't the same, but now that I think about it it's not necessarily bad. Anyways. Yesterday and today are blurrs; Emma and I were completely insane and reckless. And for the longest time in forever, I listened. I'm happy I listened, even if half of what Emma said could've been complete madness it was fine, it was really OK. What happened yesterday night was pure honesty, even if some things we wish now we didn't say, at least we got them out. I don't think anybody understands what I mean right now, and that's okay. I realized yesterday, that whatever happens; we're fine. And that, I was happy to sneak out of my house when it's freezing cold at midnight and get in a car with people we barely know, because at least I knew it was worth it. It was with Emma.
Emma is a blonde, beautiful green-eyed, tall beauty. She has a smile that could light up a whole city in just one look, and when she's happy we literally can see the sparks in her eyes. Now, I just had the longest pause ever at my keyboard, because I was thinking of things to say about Emma. But, nothing comes to my mind. She leaves me speechless, how caring, trustworthy, kind and generous a person she is. If you asked me last year what I loved about her I could write down a list of 100 pages, and go on forever. But this year, after this weekend, I feel that somehow our friendship matured. I grew up, and I learnt from my previous mistakes. Who was there to help me up when I was fallen to pieces last year? Who was there to clean up all the dust I left behind? Who was the person that listened to me at all times, even if I wasn't the one in need of being cheered up? Who stood by me even if at times I was a heartless and backstabbing friend, but forgave me somehow? It's Emma, the same Emma I believe I met again this weekend, someone I didn't quite know, someone that I didn't listen to because I was being selfish without even realizing it. I wish I knew the things that I know now, maybe things would've changed for the best. Or maybe not. I don't know.
Emma helped me all through last year to this year. I noticed in the summer that I wasn't the bestest friend in the world, and decided that I would take my time and listen. But in September something crashed upon me, I got scared. I needed Emma, she was there to help me. I will be forever thankful for that, because even now she still tells me that what I did was the right decision, that I should not regret what I did. I forgot about everything I wanted to improve this year, and I guess I was too confused and too lost to realize it until a week ago. I didn't try, and Emma has a life of her own, she has a loving boyfriend whom she loves, other friends that she listens to, friends that listen to her. It's not like last year. I realized this weekend how grown up I became, maybe not physically but mentally. I learned from my mistakes, I did things I thought I would regret but I don't now. These two days meant everything to me, because as I said, for once I shut the fuck up and I listened. Didn't matter what we talked about, all I know is that I listened. I never heard Emma's voice express so many words in 24 hours in the year of us being best friends. And it shocked me today how little people thought I cared about Emma last year. I did, I really did. I guess I was too caught up in my own little bubble to notice anything around me, though. Last year, I couldn't survive without Emma. I guess I just should've showed and acted like I cared more.
So what I meant earlier by, how our friendship was different this year but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, is that this year I'm willing to shut up. Emma hates talking, and I know that. But sometime, somehow, now she knows that if she ever wants to; she can come to me. She has other friends that give better advice, a lot better advice then me. I may not always understand, but the thing is I always did always will care. Emma is my everything, she is my forever, she is my best friend. We might not be best friends like last year, but again that's OK. It's okay, because we both really changed. We both grew up. The thing that never will change though, is the amount of love I have for that single soul. I can't write a big list of things I love about Emma, because this year, I found out why I loved her so much.
I love her because she's Emma. And no matter what happens -
she always will be.

Maybe she's going to read this post, and maybe understand what I was trying to say this morning. I couldn't speak the words for it, so I guess maybe it makes more sense written down.


And to whoever read this whole thing, you're a champ.

Love,
Melodie.